The golden rule to get out of conflict

Do you know what the golden rule in conflict is? The other person is always at least 10% right! It may sound crazy. And maybe you can’t always picture it either, but it gives you the opportunity to come out of a conflict together. This is not about compromise but about the positive mindset of the persons in the conflict.

I’ll explain using an example. Your colleague thinks something needs to change. She believes the best way to do this is to turn right. You, on the other hand, would like to turn left. Now it is essential to wait to start the discussion with arguments as to why the left is the right way. Look for her 10% right first. Something has to change, you agree. When you prove her right in the fact that something has to change, she goes from Defense-mode to Cooperation-mode. After all, someone agrees with her and also wants change. Then you can talk to her about how you are going to change. The right might work better for her department, but for you, the left. How can you figure this out together?

And you do this by starting the conversation with this simple statement:

  • “What I like about your idea is … [fill in the 10% you agree with],
  • and it triggered me to think that … [fill in how this 10% inspires you to think about the next idea or step]”

The key here is to be very open to being inspired by that 10%. So, don’t use it to defend your position but use that 10% to seek a path that would bring you genuinely together. And you’ll soon see that she takes over that same way of speaking without realising it. She’ll seek what she likes about your statements too.

And this is how you create the right mindset for both of you to come out of it together. With every statement your colleague makes, you keep looking for that 10%. This way, you calmly build towards the path that is right for both of you. And you also accomplish this positively and pleasantly.

Does this positive attitude and approach to others appeal to you? I coach ambitious women in their leadership based on positive psychology. If you want to know more about this, schedule a free appointment, and I will tell you about the opportunities.

I’m happy to help you: Book your free discovery call here.

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Photo by Amy Hirschi on Unsplash